Something To Live For
by NikkylovesBD
Summary: I knew I was running north but other than that I had no idea where I was going. I had to get away, I wanted to kill those men, why did I want to kill them?
1. Chapter 1

**This is my second Twilight story, I got this idea the other day and had to go with it. It takes place in the timing of Twilight, AU, Twilight done completely different. It will go back and forth between Bella's POV and Edward's. I hope you will read it and review and I hope its something you want me to continue. **

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**Chapter 1 The Night I Died**

I needed to escape; I needed to get the hell out of my house. The funeral had worn me out past the point of functioning. The past three weeks had been excruciating. I knew that once everyone left, it would hit how utterly alone I was. As of now I had my mom's sister, my aunt, that my mom literally hated there trying to control every situation and every person there. We had friends of my mothers, distant relatives that had never given a crap about me or my mom ever, but now they were there, offering support and sympathies. I didn't want their sympathy or their help, especially my aunts. She cared enough to order me around and criticize me but not enough to want me. As of now, I was seventeen years old and was scheduled for court to become an emancipated minor. Most people didn't realize I had been taking care of myself and my mother for years. I was more of an adult then anyone I knew. The biggest problem was my bitch of an aunt was planning to sell my mothers house. She had no intention what so ever in taking me in or keeping the house so I had somewhere to live. I had money and my mother's estate so I was planning to get an apartment and finish high school then get a job and try to support myself. I made my way to the front door, I tried to sneak out, get away and go for a walk but then I heard her voice.

"Isabella dear…where do you think you are going?" she called out.

I took a deep breath and turned slowly, "Just for a walk Aunt Sue…just need some air." My voice was neither friendly nor rude. It was robot like, it had been for days.

"Come here…now." She called out again.

I grumbled under my breath as I walked toward her. She was ordering people around the kitchen, setting up more food for the stupid ass people that came to show their sympathies but looked like they were just there for a free beer or cocktail and food. "Yes." I said a bit more cheery.

"Why don't you ask Walter if he needs a refill and you shouldn't go for a walk on your own, if you insist on going, take Joseph."

I quietly moved toward my uncle Walter and asked if he needed a refill, of course he did. I retrieved it and moved back to my aunt. "Aunt Sue, I appreciate your concern but I would really rather be alone. Its been a hard long day, I wont be far, just around the neighborhood." She was about to shut that idea down, I could tell my her facial expression so I cut her off, "If you don't feel comfortable with that then maybe a drive would be more appropriate." Kill her with kindness, the stupid bitch.

She looked at me with her pouty old face that was set in a perma frown and exhaled loudly. "God Isabella why do you have to be so difficult, we all lost her, it's not all about you." I bit my tongue, I was always polite and respectful, why to her I had no idea, I was just raised by my mother and I didn't want to let her down, even with her gone.

"Huh Isabella…huh…why?" she was asking me? Before I could say anything someone I had never met came up to my aunt to give her condolences.

"Aw Lanie, thanks for coming…this is Renee's daughter…Isabella…this is an old friend Lanie." She introduced me.

"Nice to meet you Isabella." The friendly woman said.

"It's Bella…and its nice to meet you too." I said politely as I shook her hand.

I saw my aunt roll her eyes with my name correction as she continued to talk to Lanie.

I eyed Kevin in the living room. He met my glance quickly and gave me a sympathetic smile as he pretended to listen to who was talking to him. Kevin was my mother's best friend, the only one that deserved to be there, the only person that I liked there at all. I gave him a soft smile back and focused on my aunt who had begun to talk to me again. I saw Kevin out of the corner of my eye, he never took his stare off me and got up from the couch. He was closer now, close enough to listen to my aunt.

"You know I never met such a selfish child as yourself, these people are our guests Isabella…they loved your mother too, they deserve our hospitality. You are fine, if you don't want to take a walk with your cousin then you can stay here and help me."

I looked down and took a deep breath.

Kevin came over and looked at me, he looked at my aunt and the expression he gave her was anything but nice. "I think she will be fine Sue, if Bella wants to get some air, I'll go with her." Kevin said matter of fact looking at my Aunt Sue. He led me away to the front door with his arm around me. We took a seat on the porch and I stared out into the night. "Ignore her Bells, she is a bitch, she always has been."

"I know." I absentmindedly played with my hands. I felt his stare again.

"How are you doing Bella? You doing okay? Am I the only person who's asked you that today?"

I looked at him and I felt my eyes strain, I hadn't cried in weeks and at all since my mother had died. She had battled colon cancer for 3 years. She lost the battle three days ago. My father left when I was little, I didn't know him and my mother was all I had. We did fine though but when she got sick it was trying. I made sure she attended her doctor appointments, took her meds, arrived on time for her chemo treatments. Truthfully now that she was gone, I felt helpless; there wasn't anyone to take care of anymore. After several moments I answered him, "I am…I am as good as I am going to be I guess and no…no one has asked me." I noticed Kevin shake his head in disbelief, "You know what's weird Kevin? I haven't cried…I feel guilty. I am not glad she is gone, but I can't help but be glad she isn't suffering anymore."

Kevin nodded, "I know kid, I think she was holding on for you. I know its stupid but she is in a better place." He exhaled, "God I miss her already." His voice broke and I didn't have to look at him to know he was crying.

"I do too." I took a much needed deep breath to interrupt the sadness and silence. "So…when do you leave to go back to California?" I asked honestly interested.

Kevin looked at his watch, "three hours." He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into him, "You know you could come with me. I mean Bells…I don't know how much of a father figure I would be but you know how much I love you and how much I loved your mom. I would be more than happy to have you move in with me."

I looked up at him and gave him a smile, "I know…and thank you. I may take you up on that, but until my court date unfortunately I should stay here for now. You also know my Aunt would never go for that."

"Fuck Sue." He said bitterly. "It isn't about what she thinks anyway, I don't get it Bells, she doesn't want you with her, she has something to say about me, she is selling your mom's house, what does that nut job expect you to do?"

"No clue…I guess she wants me to suffer." I said it with humor behind it even though neither one of us really thought it was funny.

"Let's not talk about her, how about that walk?" Kevin gave me a smile and I nodded in return as we rose up from the porch steps.

We talked about school, my mom a bit and about his work. It was nice having Kevin there, he had moved from Arizona a few months ago but him and my mom were so close he practically came down every weekend since. They adored each other and even though my mother never felt more for him than friendship, I knew Kevin was madly in love with her. They had known each other since high school, always been close. He even took my mother to the senior prom, she was five months pregnant with me then, he was a good guy. As I listened to Kevin talk about his new life in California I heard rustling coming from the open desert that hugged my neighborhood. I looked out into the darkness but didn't see anything. We kept walking when this time we both heard it and saw something white flash about 30 yards in front of us.

"What the…" Kevin said as he instinctively drew me closer to him. "Let's go back Bells." he said looking out into the distance. I felt a sudden fear wash over me, I felt scared and I wasn't sure why, whether it was the unknown or the still of the desert night, it was creepy and I went ahead with Kevin as he turned us around. We started walking back toward the house when again the fast motion of white went across us again, this time it stopped.

"Hello." Kevin said cautiously as we both froze. The women tilted her head and smiled as she stared at us, "Can we help you with something?" Kevin asked hesitating as he took a step forward shoving me protectively behind him.

"Hmmm." she women cooed, she was beautiful and her voice rang like bells. It almost hypnotized us. With in a flash the women was in front of Kevin's face. "I think you can help me with something…most definitely." she said with a smile as she winked at him.

"Ok…" Kevin said confused by this beautiful young woman, was she flirting with him? "Are you lost?" Kevin said nicely. Another flash and she was behind us. Kevin wrapped his arm around me from behind and pulled me to his chest, "What the fuck are you?" he said in awe at how fast she was.

She threw her head back and laughed. "You would like to know wouldn't you…you're kind of cute." She stared at him, her stare was so intense I almost felt uncomfortable being there. The women walked slowly almost stalking us as she walked around us, soon she was on the other side again, she flashed in front of him and ran her fingers through his hair, moving down his face stopping at his neck. She caressed him gently and them gripped it hard. Kevin let go of me for an instant as he tried to squirm away.

"What…ever…you want…let the girl go." he grunted out, it looked like she had a firm grasp on his neck and it was hard for him to breathe.

"That wont be necessary." My head whipped around as a man appeared.

"RUN BELLA." Kevin yelled.

"But…" I gasped not wanting to leave him, then I saw the women lift him off the ground by his throat and I didn't stick around to see what happened with poor Kevin next. I took off into the dark desert. I ran and ran as fast as I could. I couldn't see anything and it seemed as though the man and the women weren't chasing me. As my breath became heavy I looked in back of me and stumbled to the ground, I knew I had tripped but from what I couldn't tell. I got up quickly and began running again. I got my pace up again then suddenly it felt like I hit a concrete wall. It knocked the wind out of me as I fell to the ground. Before I could catch my breath he was on me.

"You can't run from me." he whispered. He was cold and his breath was like ice. I closed my eyes and turned my cheek to him. I felt his stone hands touch my face, "You smell mouthwatering…floral." I opened my eyes and looked at him. He acted as though he was thinking about something, his features were hard to make out in the darkness. He leaned his face towards mine and licked my ear, "floral…with a hint of…fear." he growled. It happened so quickly as my shirt tore open. I tried to scream but my lungs were constricted, his solid chest pressing hard against me. I whimpered a cry as he shoved my legs opened and I closed my eyes knowing what was about to happen. I was a virgin and I began to cry knowing that this monster was about to take it from me, without permission.

"Please." I whispered. "Please." I begged. "Don't."

He groaned in my ear as he shoved his hand down my pants. His cold fingers shoved inside of me. He was rough and I tried to block out the whispers he breathed in my ear as he pushed his fingers in harder. Suddenly my pants were ripped, the strength of this man was a hundred times stronger than a normal person. I was completely immobile under him. It felt like he was hundreds of pounds and then I felt it. He took it from me, shoving himself into me and I cried out in pain as he continued to rape me. His hand went to my mouth and he continued harder and harder as I felt myself practically being ripped at the seams. Suddenly I heard a crack and I tried to bite at his hand as the pain seeped through me, his hand was like biting stone and it broke my jaw. My pelvis was shattered, I felt myself collapse. I couldn't fight him, I couldn't move, all I could do was lay there and let this monster practically fuck me to death. His growls became louder and I prayed it meant it was over soon. As he pumped himself into me again and again, all I could hear was his groans and my masked cries. I wasn't looking at him, it was too dark and I didn't want to see his face while he assaulted me. One of the last things I remember was a roar that came from him and in a flash I felt him bite into my neck. The pain was beyond my broken pelvis and cracked ribs I had sustained, it was worse than anything I had ever felt. Within a flash something barreled into him pushing him off of me. My hand went to my neck as that pain took over my whole body. I closed my eyes as my body felt like it was on fire. I heard the woman and man arguing, at least it sounded as though they were but the burning was all I could think about.

"How dare you fuck her." she said.

"Oh baby I was just having a little fun, you know you have all of me." he said almost innocently.

"She isn't dead yet, I'll finish her off." the women said through her teeth.

It felt like my body was trying to reject the pain and I was sucked back in from their voices. I tried to listen as the two argued but I was in agony. I couldn't move and I hoped death was coming for me. The more and more the pain moved through me, the more I thought maybe it was coming…but it never did. It was hot…then hotter…the heat had spread down my arms now…hotter…too hot…much…much…too hot. As if I thought it couldn't get hotter it was. It rose and washed slowly over me, soon taking over every cell of my body. I wanted to raise my arms to my chest and rip the burning from my skin but all I could do was wrath and fist my hands at my side. I felt the flames leap to my chest and I knew it had hit my heart. I tried to take myself somewhere else. Concentrate on the voices. It worked for a moment even though the flames still engulfed me. Was I being burned alive? And if I was how come I wasn't dead yet? I thought of my mother, and in my mind I called out to her. "Please…come and get me…please…I want to die." I thought in my mind. I couldn't move my lips to speak, I thought I was trying but I couldn't, I couldn't even scream. The weight was still pressing me and the blaze moved through me. I heard the murmured voices, I couldn't make out what they were fighting about. Their speech was much too fast. In the distance, I heard someone call out.

"Who's there?"

"We must go…leave her." he said hurried.

"_I am…I am…I am here…kill me please…put out the fire." _I screamed . I wasn't sure if I had said that out loud but the man and the women's voices were gone. All I could hear were my thoughts, maybe they had been scared away, I didn't know…I didn't know anything except the burn. The flames that licked through my veins now I felt it everywhere. It didn't decrease. It kept on, pulsing through me, second by second charring me alive. My mind was functioning fine, it was incredibly clear, my body was unmoving. I couldn't feel if I was fisting my hands anymore, I didn't know how long I had been burning. Surely if they had set me on fire someone would have put it out by now, right? Let me die…let me die…please let me die, I thought. I just wanted to die, that's all I wanted, I wished I had never been born, I wish I didn't exist. At that moment I had never wanted anything more than to curl up and depart this life. But to my dismay, the endless burn raged on.

I listened around me, my senses seemed stronger, I felt stronger. I listened to the hiss of something from the distance. I heart the tiny scamper, birds quacking, I could even hear their wings flapping in flight. I concentrated momentarily on my body again, the good thing was the burning was less in my fingers and toes. It was being put out. Slowly it weakened, slower and slower and then the heat raged in my chest as my heart became frenzied. How could this be? I thought it was done. My heart was about to beat out of my chest. I heard it, it was loud, it hammered furiously. I could feel no pain or fire in my hands and I twitched my fingers to make sure they were working. As the worst of it engulfed my heart, it pounded away faster and faster, hotter and hotter, sucking the last of the burn from the rest of my body. My back arched as the flames took over, it stammered as it tried to beat through the flames but neither seemed to be winning. Then…it thudded once…twice…and stopped. There was no sound but the world around me, no breathing, no pain and that was all I could understand. I opened my eyes suddenly to the clear dark sky. After taking in the sky around me I sprung to a sitting position. What had been pitch black now was bright. I could see for miles. Everything looked perfect and clear. My head whipped right as I heard a heart beat. Soon I was on my feet, crouched down as I zoned in on the sounds around me. I could hear the bumping of a car stereo in the distance. I could hear what sounded like people talking, I could hear what sounded like a television. I felt confused, I couldn't zone in on one noise as they all yelled at me at once. Again the heartbeat, then the scorch from my throat ripped into me, my hands flew to my neck, it was unbearable. Just as if it was instinct, I heard the heartbeats closer to me and then the smell of something moved with the wind and filled my nose. It was irresistible. The men's voices sounded so clear but as I saw them, it seemed they were a miles away. I saw the glow of cop cars and lights. They were huddled around something that lay still on the ground. I flashed a bit closer. The men smelt mouth watering, I wanted them, I needed them, there was nothing I wanted more than to quench my thirst with them. Suddenly I realized, "Kevin." I whispered. Suddenly the memory flashed though my head, I stopped mid hunt and ran. I ran away from the men farther and farther into the desert, I was about to kill them. I knew I was running north but other than that I had no idea where I was going. I had to get away, I wanted to kill those men, why did I want to kill them? What had I become? I didn't understand. I flung the remnants of my jeans off my legs and my speed picked up. I realized I was running faster than any person could ever run. I was never athletic or fast. I was slow and clumsy. I ran so fast I could barely see my surroundings. The wind blew across my face and through my hair. I was semi aware of what I was wearing. A black tank top and boy short type underwear and I didn't seem to care. I ran until there was no sense of civilization around me and I expected to be winded or tired but I wasn't. My throat was still on fire, I froze as I listened, the thud of paws sounded. I breathed in through my nose, the smell of prey filled me. I didn't even know what I was doing as I sprang up grabbing a coyote, sinking my teeth into its neck and the blood rushed into my throat, it put out the fire momentarily as I sprang again taking down the rest of the pack. I looked at what I had done, I didn't understand it. What had I become? I hadn't a clue, I wanted to kill, the blood quenched my thirst and I felt it sloshing in me. Without a second thought, I began running again. I had the attention span of a two year old. The deserts became mountains, the mountains became forests I ran day and night, it was the only time I felt in control, I ran for what I thought was days with no set destination in mind.

_So tell me what cha think? Bella is a vampire. And where do you think she'll end up? haha Review, let me know if I should continue this. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 The Newborn**

School was dull as usual. I knew more intellectually than most of my teachers. My classmate's thoughts weren't even a tad interesting. The gossip mill, the crush conversations were getting tedious and it wasn't even fun for me anymore. I listened to Esme and Alice discuss setting up the guest bedroom for a family friend. She was due in later this evening and she had planned to visit for a few days. I wanted to take off and go on a long hunting trip, but I had literally just gotten back from a rather long trip with my brothers just two days ago. I didn't want to see her. My family had tried to set me up with Tanya going on thirty years. I wasn't sure when they would realize I had not an ounce of interest in her. She was blonde and beautiful, not my type at all. I didn't expect my family to know this since I had spent the past 91 years alone but I preferred brunettes. Something about the way their dark brown hair glistened off their skin. I had never shown much interest in anyone of the opposite sex. Of course I had urges and thoughts once in awhile, I was after all a man and if that wasn't enough, I was forever frozen at seventeen. But where I came from, it wasn't about sex and lust. You would find that one person that completed your heart, ask for her hand in marriage and worship the ground she walked on for the rest of your life. If you could hear the things that go through not only the boys in our school's head but even worse the girls it would appall you. That was the reason I wasn't attracted to Tanya. Sure she was beautiful and even putting the blonde thing aside, I wasn't that shallow, but her thoughts were always filled with inappropriate thoughts. About me, about whomever she had been physical with recently. She was loose and I was well aware of the amount of conquests she had been with. In all honesty she had never had one intelligent thought since I had met her. When was my family going to realize I was doomed to this life alone and I wasn't like them? It was obvious to me. I wasn't meant to have a mate and I was perfectly content with that. In all my travels and the amount of women that wanted me daily, it just never occurred to me to take advantage of it.

"Oh yes she will like that", Alice agreed, "Hopefully she wont be spending much time in here but rather…across the hall." Esme and Alice giggled and they knew I heard them. They weren't trying to hide it. I picked myself up off my couch and looked out the window. I saw Emmett and Jasper throwing around a football. There must have been a mile between them. I smiled and leaped out of my window. I needed to get away from the matchmakers.

"Hey little bro…excited for your guest to arrive?" Emmett said with a lift of his eyebrow.

I shook my head, "Emmett I wouldn't touch Tanya with a ten foot pole."

Jasper was at our side within a moment, "About that Edward…I hope you don't think I am being nosey…"

"You guys nosey?" I said sarcastically.

Jasper smiled at me, "You know what I mean, but why not? I mean she is a beautiful woman, there is nothing there…nothing what so ever?"

"Not at all." I answered with no hesitation.

"What about just banging her? I mean Eddie bro…you may actually be the oldest virgin I know. No one is saying you have to marry the broad, just…keep the junk happy, you and I both know you wont have to try hard."

I exhaled for dramatic effect and rolled my eyes, "Emmett you are foul."

"He does have a point." Jasper added.

"Not you too…you are from a much more modest time than me."

Jasper smiled, "You have to move with the times Edward, it isn't 1910 anymore. People now days have sexual relations with a number of people. Women are thinking about sex more than men, people are mixing partners, involving partners with others, men are sexual with men, women are sexual with women." I eyed Emmett as he wiggled his eyebrows, he liked that idea.

"Now days you can drill a girl and never talk to her again, no call, no anything. Its kind of amazing. Women do it too, its called a one night stand…everybody does it, they hook up, and make out, sometimes you don't even know their name."

I was shocked.

"It's a different world Edward…you were around for the sexual revolution, how could you have missed it?"

I ran my fingers nervously through my hair and looked down, "I can't imagine being intimate with a woman I didn't love."

"Honestly Edward…neither can I but…" Jasper said eloquently then was interrupted.

"You need to let go Edward…have a little fun…get your dick wet." Emmett smiled.

Now both of us were looking at Emmett, he was utterly disgusting and it made me question my sister greatly. I shuddered with the thought of their intimacy. Jasper let out a laugh, "Emmett even after all these years, you still have absolutely no filter."

"Hey man…I am keeping it real."

"So you're saying you don't want to go on a hunting trip with me?" I gave them a smile and pleading eyes.

"Nope…sorry brother." Jasper said with a pat on my back.

"Sorry man…you are on your own, maybe you will get lucky and she will have her way with you. Its no big deal Edward, get it over with, you may actually enjoy yourself for once." Emmett glanced toward the garage and our eyes followed as well. He moaned softly and I wasn't quite sure what he was looking at, the only thing visible were Rosalie's legs hanging out from under the jeep. Then the thoughts began, _Oh Jesus help me…watch and learn Eddie boy._ He licked his lips and excused himself. Jasper and I watched as he slowly almost cat like crept towards Rosalie, there was no way she didn't know he was coming.

"Hun…hand me that socket wrench." Rosalie said from under the car.

Emmett reached over to the tool box, with a socket wrench in hand he quickly grabbed the platform she had been laying on and pulled it swiftly. "What the hell Em?" Rosalie sat up quickly, she seemed even startled and that didn't happen often with vampires.

Jasper and I watched as Emmett held the wrench out of her reach. This playful gesture had made Rosalie more and more frustrated and Emmett could only smile at her. Finally he tossed the wrench into a nearby bush. Rosalie smacked him in the chest and as Emmett smirked he wrapped a firm arm around her waist and pulled her into him. We watched as both of his hands now secured on her bottom as he lifted her, raising himself off the ground as she straddled his waist. They began kissing intensely as he leaned her against his jeep side door.

Jasper and I shook our head and turned away from them. I sighed and I felt Jasper's eyes on me, "The sexual frustration I am getting from you almost daily is annoying as hell Edward. I know Emmett can be crude and the amount of verbal diarrhea that comes out of his mouth is almost frightening but…" I eyed my brother and his face became strained, like he was trying to find the right thing to say. _We just worry about you Edward, you are my brother and I worry about you. _His thought emphasized _I_ and I looked down uncomfortably.

"I am fine." I tried to reassure him. "Trust me…its fine." I was telling the truth. I had been alone for so long, why now was my family so obsessed with me meeting someone? Was I that annoying to be around? Without saying anything else I went back into the house. It seemed to be what I always did, hid out in my bedroom. I would read, write in my journals or listen to music. It was a way to remove myself from the constant chatter and inner thoughts of my family and just be me.

***

Tanya had arrived on time. I hung out in the back as my family doted on her. She greeted everyone warmly and saved me for last. She eyed me like prey as she moved slowly toward me. "Hello Edward." her voice quiet and seductive.

"Hello Tanya, you look well, it's nice to see you again." I said politely.

"It's always nice to see you." she said closing the distance between us. She wrapped her arms around my neck and squeezed me tightly. I embraced her back and peered over her shoulder to find my family had vanished.

I pulled back first and she reluctantly did too not having much of a choice. I gave her a polite smile and looked down not knowing at all what to say next. "Maybe you can show me to my room Edward." she said breaking the ice. She kept her tone light and her mind blank.

I nodded and held my hand out for her to go up the stairs first. I bent down and took her small suitcase in my hand and my other hand rested on the small of her back. No matter how much I was not into Tanya, I was raised to be none other than a gentleman. My lack of interest in her was not going to change the values my mother and father had distilled in me since I was old enough to understand.

We got to the top of the stairs and I slid by her quickly and opened the door to the guest room for her. I held it open and gave her a nod. "I hope this is to your liking. I know Esme and Alice spent time fixing it up for you." I commented as I watched her move by me, slowly brushing me with her body as she entered the room.

"It's lovely, I will thank them later." she turned around after observing the space and stared at me.

"You have a private bath, equipped with a shower and whatever else you may need. Also feel free to rove the house as if it was your own and don't hesitate to let any of us know if you need anything else." I turned to leave her in private but she stopped me.

"Edward." she practically sang. I turned to her making eye contact to see what she wanted. "I have been traveling all day and had hunted a few times on the way. A much needed shower sounds too good to be true. Could you…help me with my zipper?" she said turning away from me, her head slowly turned as she peered at me over her shoulder.

I cleared my throat and sighed, "Of course." I murmured. I walked toward her and lightly gripped the zipper in my hand. My other hand held the fabric as I slowly led the zipper down her back. As I unzipped Tanya's dress, more and more of her luminous skin became visible. Her bare back smooth and fair, it was inviting and also revealed she wasn't wearing a bra. I finished with her zipper and let go abruptly.

She turned once more as she had when she first asked me, "Thank you." she whispered and started toward the bathroom. Before I had the chance to turn around she dropped her dress to the floor before entering the bathroom. My eyes grazed down her quickly seeing her completely naked from behind. _No bra and no underwear? _In a quick moment I felt bad for gawking even though it had realistically only been a brief moment. I sighed out of habit and left Tanya's room, closing the door behind me. With a new unwanted visual of her and a hard on. I am sure my brothers would be proud to know at least that part of me actually worked. I retreated to my bedroom, making a point to tell myself I was not leaving it again. Even if I had to stay in there until Tanya had left.

Hours had past and I heard someone out in front of my door. I knew it was Alice after a second, her thoughts screamed at me. _Edward…you are being rude. _

"Come in Alice." I called out closing my book and tossing it to the floor.

She danced through my door and sat on the floor in front of me and smiled. "We are all downstairs chatting and catching up. Why don't you join us?"

"I am ok but thanks." I answered looking down not wanting to make eye contact with her.

She was quiet…too quiet and when I realized it wasn't like Alice not to put up a fight I looked up at her. She stared straight ahead, her eyes glazed over. "What is it Alice? What did you see?" I asked searching her mind. I saw the forest and a bear and then her thoughts shifted quickly and I'll I heard was her reciting the Gettysburg address. I huffed knowing what she was doing, "What? Why are you hiding your vision from me?" I said frustrated.

She smiled and batted her eyes at me, "Something's are better if they are a surprise." she commented and just like that she was to her feet. "Something will happen tonight that will change your life forever." she said with an evil grin and before I had a chance to comment she was gone.

_What the hell was she talking about? _I shook my head not even wanting to know and bent over to grab my book. Even though I quickly began reading my book again, Alice's words rang over and over in my head. Was she talking about Tanya? Would it be so hard to just have sex just to get it over with? Would something that trivial change my life forever? I mean sex sounded pleasant but I mean come on, its only sex. Then for a second I closed my book suddenly. My mind went into the hallway.

"Thank you so much Esme, I am going to retreat to my room, its been a long day and this book sounds quite good. Thank you for everything." she said as her quiet footsteps sounded down the hallway. She paused outside my door. _If you only gave me a chance Edward, I would have you begging for more. _Her thoughts practically yelled at me_. It's only sex_, my words rang in over and over and suddenly without my permission I was to my feet. Before I had the chance to protest I was out of my bedroom and quickly opening Tanya's door closing it behind me. I stopped and looked at the surprised stare she had across her face and then suddenly she smiled.

"Hi." she said with a smug grin. Without even saying anything I moved quickly to her grabbing her face roughly and pressing my lips against hers. We awkwardly kissed each other, not finding a nice rhythm at all. She kissed me back hungrily and soon I felt her hands in my hair, moving down my back, around my waist and up my chest. She was everywhere and suddenly I felt like it was a mistake. I moved my mouth from hers and surprisingly she roughly went to my neck kissing and licking down it. I closed my eyes exhaling willing to give it another chance. It did feel nice. Her hands roamed my chest and stomach. She gripped the button of my pants and before I could stop her my pants fell around my ankles. This was all so new to me, she moved so quickly, I didn't know what was happening as she pushed me back onto her bed and gripped the waist band of my boxers and finally I put a strong hand on her hold.

"Tanya." I breathed out.

"Edward…just relax…lay back." she pushed gently so my back was on the mattress, "Let me make you feel good." she said quietly.

I was humiliated because by now everyone in my house knew what was going on. I had hoped maybe they would leave, go hunting give me some privacy. While my mind was preoccupied I hissed as I felt Tanya's lips around my shaft. I breathed out as I closed my eyes.

She moaned as she moved faster, this was not appropriate womanly behavior, and what kind of gentleman was I to allow her to do this to me. It felt amazing and with my eyes closed I wanted to picture someone else, I wasn't sure who. _Oh my God who was I_, I pushed her from me quickly. "I…I am sorry Tanya…I can't do this." I was up in an instant and began lifting my pants and boxers over my hips. Without even waiting for her to say anything I was in my room and out my window within a few seconds. I began to run. I didn't love Tanya, I really didn't even like Tanya as a friend, she was always just there. Here I was letting her give me a blow job and I was enjoying it. That wasn't like me, maybe it was just sex, but I had more respect in myself to give my virginity to someone as shameless as Tanya. I wanted it to be special, something that meant just as much to me as it did her. I didn't truly believe there was anyone out there for me but I wasn't going to give in to my brother's advice or even Alice's if that's what she meant just because of it. As I ran I felt my hard on pressing into my pants. It angered me that my body was betraying me. The wind shifted and I caught the smell of a grizzly bear in the area. I slowed to a stop and crouched down, listening intently. I felt sorry for the dumb bear, he was about to get the brunt of my frustration. _One mile North_, I thought as I moved smoothly toward its direction. With my eye on the prize I crouched again waiting for the perfect time to pounce him. Then another scent came into my senses, vampire. As my bear moved, I sprung at him only to be knocked to the ground. There was no way I missed him, or that he was strong enough to throw me off. My eyes met the bears and then to the nomad on his back. She sunk her teeth into is neck and began draining him. The bear dying in the process fell to the floor as the woman continued to drink greedily from his jugular.

I watched in awe, she had such grace and she was…beautiful. Her long brown hair pushed behind her ears. I didn't think she had noticed me yet. My eyes took her in, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I was surprised at her appetite as well. Even the woman in my family had trouble finishing a bear this size. As she finished I began to clap. "Bravo." I said with a smirk, "I should be angry you stole my dinner…but that was…amazing."

She was startled and she growled as she crouched into an attack stance. Her red eyes stared into mine and I quickly realized my initial reaction was to take in her stunning beauty and half naked form, yes I hadn't moved past the fact she was in what looked like short shorts or underwear and a tank top, but then it dawned on me she may have been dangerous. Her red eyes shown brightly and considering she flung me off the bear so quickly she had newborn written all over her forehead. I hissed as I crouched matching her stance. I frantically searched her mind to get some sort of idea if she was really going to fight me or if I had just startled her. Which also was a hint at a newborn…vampires didn't surprise easily. I saw nothing, I heard nothing. Her mind was silent.

Her eyes traveled down my body and in that second I wasn't sure what expression she had written on her face. Why couldn't I read her mind? Was that lust? Then her expression changed swiftly and it was disgusted. She hissed. "Stay away from me." She said through her teeth, her eyes concentrating on the lower half of my body before meeting mine. I looked down quickly to see what the hell she was looking at and noticed my arousal prominent still as if it was saying hi, touch me, I was mortified.

"Ok…I know how it looks; I don't want to fight you and I don't want to hurt you." I said easing out of my crouch. I kept my hands out as an international sign of peace. She growled at me as I took a step forward. She looked so confused, "How long ago were you changed?" I said keeping a distance from her. She still held her stance and never let her eyes leave mine.

"Changed?" she said quietly.

"Clearly you are a newborn…how long have you been this way?"

She furrowed her brow and I watched her take a deep breath, "A newborn?"

Clearly the vampire that had changed her hadn't explained anything to her. A few silent moments had passed and I watched her straighten up a bit. She seemed to relax a bit but never looked away from me. I took a step towards her and waited, making sure she was alright with my movement. She stared at me, "Can I come closer?" I asked politely.

I saw her swallow, even heard it. She must be forcing the venom down her throat but she hesitated and nodded. "You can come back with me, you can meet my family, you can stay with us, we can help you." I said getting closer. I smiled at her and for a moment she seemed to want to smile back but stopped herself. I was in front of her now, "I know you're scared, did the person that did this to you explain what we are? I noticed you have fed off animals, do they also?"

Her eyes turned black as I brought her maker up, I reached out for her touching her cheek. I had no idea why I was even getting myself involved with her. Her eyes captivated me and there was something else pulling me to her. Normally I wouldn't give a newborn like this, which had pretty much attacked me to begin with, the time of day. But I couldn't help it. She closed her eyes as I touched her. Electricity shot through me and I pulled my hand away quickly as she looked at me. I wondered if she felt the same thing? I reached my hands behind my back giving us space. I didn't trust my hands not to touch her again, "Come on…you can have a hot shower, a change of clothes." My eyes traveled down her frame. Now that she wasn't crouched anymore, her barely there attire was more displayed, and she was covered in blood. She caught me looking and backed up, fear hitting her eyes. She wasn't a normal newborn, but she had to be. She didn't know anything about our kind it seemed, her eyes were too bright and glowed red, even more red than a vampire who fed off humans. Normally a newborn wouldn't have even let me come this close to her; she would have reacted to me more than she had especially considering she was hunting.

"Stop looking at me like that." She said covering herself as best as she could. She realized she was barely clothed and she didn't look comfortable about it.

I sighed, "I am sorry…please forgive me…that wasn't proper of me at all. It's not like that." She glared at me, "I mean…you are beautiful and sexy…" her glare hardened, "I mean…" I gave up, "I apologize…you can trust me." I reached my hand to her.

She studied it for a long moment and reached out to me. I intertwined my fingers with hers and gave her a smile as the electricity moved through us again. "I'm Edward."

She studied me for another instant and gave me a shy smile back, "My name is Bella…nice to meet you Edward."

"Bella." I repeated as if it was music to my ears. I tugged gently on her hand as we started running back to the house.

_So…what did you think? I have people reading but no one is reviewing which I am sad about. Hopefully some of you come out and decide to give me a holler and let me know what you think. _


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3 The Cullens**_

The tingle between Edward and I was pulsing through my whole body as we approached his house. Why did I trust this total stranger and why had I so willing gone with him? The smell as we neared the house was enjoyable. I wasn't sure what it was, floral and strong, I couldn't keep up with my senses now. Edward kept peaking at me through his peripheral vision and I pretended not to notice. Running with him through the forest was exhilarating. The electricity running through me with the touch of his hand and the wind against my face made me smile. It had felt like months since I had smiled. The one thing I had noticed since that dreadful night was my memories were fading. I remembered being robbed of my innocence so clearly but other memories such as my mom and Kevin were fading and I didn't like it. In the last few days I tried to think of her and special moments to remind myself of her. Whatever I had become, whatever had happened to me was not going to make me forget my mom. We were getting closer now and Edward slowed his run to a walk and I did as well. A hiss caught in my throat as I smelled something, what I smelled I saw after a minute as I noticed someone approaching us. The girl's eyes scanned down and stopped on our hands intertwined and I let go abruptly. The electricity zapped back and gave me the most empty cold feeling I had ever felt. Edward looked at me suddenly, his eyes confused and sad, I then wondered if he felt the tingles too. My focus went back to the small woman standing in front of us. I hissed as she stared at me, with an obnoxious knowing smile that I did not understand.

"It's ok." Edward said calmly, "This is my sister…Alice." he smiled at me and my one track mind focused on only him and his lips. I was easily distracted and it bothered me. I shook my head out of the trance his smile had put me in.

"Hi Bella." Alice said nicely. She stepped toward me with her arms extended. I suddenly found myself in a crotch, a low growl escaping my lips.

Edward held out his hand to me and stared at me. I kept my eyes on the little woman in front of me.

"Alice…what are you doing?" Edward said suddenly worried.

"Don't worry Edward." her voice rang out, "She wont hurt me…Bella and I are going to be great friends."

"How…how did you know my name?" I wanted my voice to sound strong and sure but it came out shaky and anything but.

Alice and Edward stared at each other. The silence was deafening to me. I eased out of my stance and looked back and forth between them. I wanted to be filled in on the silent conversation they were having in their heads or tell them to get a room. I wasn't sure which exactly but Edward had said Alice was his sister so that just grossed me out. Whatever was going on, it made me feel uncomfortable like I wasn't suppose to be there.

"Do you guys…want to be alone?" I said confused as ever.

Alice giggled loudly, "No…no silly Bella, I am sorry to be so rude. I brought you these." Alice held out a folded pair of pants in her small right hand. "I knew Edward wouldn't want you meeting the family dressed like that." she eyed my attire as Edward glared at her.

"Edward?" I questioned, "Why would Edward care what I met his family in?" I took the pants relaxing a bit, shouldn't I be the one who cared if I was meeting people in my underwear? I didn't sense danger from her and I could hear the whispers from in the house. They didn't answer me about the clothes, but I didn't dwell on it as I pulled the velour lounge pants on quickly. They fit perfectly and I wondered how this little pixie looking girl knew my size, or knew my name or didn't seem surprised by my presence. I looked up at the enormous house, it was huge and brilliantly lit. The side of the house we were facing was three stories and lined with huge pane windows instead of walls. It had balcony's and a wide porch, it was one of the most beautiful homes I had ever seen. I noticed a small group hovering and watching us from one of the main windows. There was six of them, none looking overjoyed to see me. I suddenly became nervous and I wasn't exactly sure why.

"Come on Bella." Edward's voice eased me a little, he held out his hand again. Alice looked down at it and her smile widened. I took a couple steps toward him but didn't take his hand. He looked at me sadly as it dropped but after a second he forced a smile. "Don't be nervous, we wont hurt you." his voice was soft and gentle as we began walking to the house again. "you can trust me." he whispered and brushed his fingers against my own as we walked side by side. My breath hitched as the current zapped me again. What the hell was that? I didn't look at him even though I felt his eyes on my face. I kept my eyes on Alice who walked in front of me. I took a few deep breaths to calm me, I was nervous to meet these strangers and because of what had happened to me, I wasn't sure why I was trusting them. Alice opened the back door and flitted effortlessly into the house. Edward held it open for me as I walked in. I kept close to him and it eased me when I felt his hand on the small of back.

"Bella…this is my family." Edward said with a smile. The group of six was overwhelming as I came into view. They were beautiful and curious, they didn't look related but they all looked similar at the same time. I eyed Alice which I had met, she stood small, petite, pretty and dainty. She had beautiful small features and she reminded me of a pixie or fairy, something from a fairytale. Next to her was a young man who's appearance startled me. He was just as beautiful, tall and strong looking, his golden blonde hair set wildly on his head. His eyes burned into me like he was watching ever step I made. If I didn't know better I would think he was trying to read my mind or something. He frightened me, he had scars over his face and body. Then I felt calm and I wasn't scared of him anymore. It was a rush that swept over me and I was scared one minute and totally and completely calm the next. It was weird. "You know Alice." Edward continued, "And next to her is Jasper." I gave him a small smile and he nodded politely.

"Nice to meet you Bella." he said with his strong voice, musical and confident, with a slight twang was it?

My eyes went down the line. The next was a big man, he smiled with deep adorable dimples. He had dark wavy hair and a broad chest. His size was overwhelming. He looked like a linebacker, bigger than any young man I had ever seen. "Next is Emmett." Edward added.

"Hey there." he said with a grin.

His smile was infectious as I returned it and gave him a nod. "My sister Rosalie." Edward continued. She was something out of a magazine. She was beautiful and tall. She had a figure that girls would die for and her hair was also golden blonde. It had a pretty wave to it and looked long and thick. She did not smile at me.

"My mother Esme." Edward continued.

"Mother?" I said surprised looking up at him. She looked to young to have any of them actually be her kids. She couldn't be more that 25 years old and even that was pushing it.

"Well." Edward laughed, "For all intents and purposes." he chuckled. I didn't get it.

"Hello Bella…welcome, please make your self at home." she said with a gentle smile and for a moment I felt exactly that…at home.

"Thank you." I breathed and the tingle shot up and down my body as I felt Edward caress my back gently. I wasn't sure if I would ever get used to that.

My eyes went to another woman, she didn't have a smile or the blank expression that Rosalie had had, was she scowling at me? What the fuck? I thought. Edward's voice caught and when he introduced me to her it wasn't as warm as the others. " Bella…this is a close family friend of ours Tanya, she is visiting from Alaska."

Her nostrils flared and her eyes ran down my frame as if she was sizing me up. What the fuck was this bitches problem? I mechanically moved closer to Edward and I felt his arm on my back tighten. "Just ignore her." he whispered in a breath in my ear. When she saw me move closer to Edward she hissed at me and suddenly I wanted to kick her ass. My instincts flooded me that this women didn't like me at all and I reacted quickly. Moving from Edward, I crotched a bit and matched her scowl.

"Tanya…stop." the last man in the line said. "She is a newborn." he said quick and quiet. I wasn't sure what he meant by that but it seemed to relax her. She kept her bitch face and we stared at each other.

"Bella…I'm Carlisle Cullen…and welcome to our home." his voice was quiet and calm. He was unbelievably handsome and his smile was warm. "I would like to discuss some things with you if that is alright. Now that you know everyone would you mind following me into my study?" He must have felt my hesitation right away because he quickly added, "Edward can join us, if that would make you more comfortable." I looked up at Edward and he smiled a crooked smile at me and I nodded not looking back at the man who called himself Carlisle.

He walked past me and Edward led me behind him. As I walked next to Edward I heard Alice, "Do you see how he is responding to her already?" she said quietly. I didn't think I was meant to hear it but I did well, and I could assume so did Edward. Was she talking about me? And who was responding? This family confused the shit out me.

An excited giggle came from someone, "I know…its amazing, you were right Alice." It sounded like Esme but I didn't turn around to confirm it.

"She isn't even that pretty." a woman huffed.

"Tanya." I heard Esme scold her.

We turned the corner and my eyes squinted, I was pretty sure I was going to have to kick that girls ass sooner than later. "Bitch." I mumbled thinking out loud.

Edward smiled and looked at me, "Excuse me?" he chuckled.

I shook my head shocked that I had said that out loud. "Never mind." I mumbled again.

As we climbed the stairs his hand that was resting gently on the small of my back moved so his arm fastened around my waist. He leaned in and pressed his lips to my ear, "You have to just ignore her, she is extremely jealous of you."

"Of me? Why? We have only just met." I looked at his face, his eyes were so warm and gold it made me swallow hard.

"You have something she wants." he whispered closely. What the hell was he talking about? I had shit, my mother died, my family all hated me it seemed, my trusty Kevin was gone, I was attacked and raped and now I had murdering thoughts and liked to drink blood, What the fuck did I have that that cunt wanted? My confusion disappeared though far too quickly as Edward ran his nose behind my ear. "Are you ok?" he whispered again, "Am I making you uncomfortable?"

I shook my head a bit too quickly.

He was evil, his lips were soft on my ear and is breath warm and inviting. Did he know what he was doing to me? I felt butterflies and my center tingled, how could he arouse me with only a whisper. I had forgotten all about the bitch as we finally entered Carlisle study. "I'm sorry if I am but its hard for me…not to want to touch you."

My head shot to him and I found myself giving him a dirty look. He dropped his hand from my back suddenly and it looked as though his feelings were hurt. Was he trying to get into my pants? He didn't say anything he just gave me a nod and seemed to have some sort of understanding in his face. What he understood, I hadn't a clue cause I sure as hell didn't understand any of this. God I was paranoid now, he had been caring and nice to me, I was absolutely attracted to him and he made me feel pretty comfortable considering he was a stranger to me.

He gave me a guarded smile and held out his hand for me to sit down. I thought he would sit next to me but instead he kept his distance and sat leaning against a side wall of shelves filled with books. I suddenly wanted him near me.

"I know you must be very overwhelmed Bella. Do you remember your transformation?" he said with a soft and gentle voice. Something about this man made me feel comfortable, like Edward had.

"Transformation? I am sorry Carlisle but I don't know what the fuck anyone is talking about?"

Carlisle's eyes widened and he looked at Edward. Edward smirked and again with the staring at each other and silence. What the hell was with this family? I cleared my throat and their attention came back to me.

"Do you know what you are Bella? What we are?" he asked curiously.

I shook my head and found Edward's eyes.

Carlisle took a deep breath, "You poor thing." he whispered. I didn't need pity and I didn't understand any of this. Before I lot my temper, which had gotten a lot worse in the last few days he spoke again. "Dear child, I don't want to upset you and we want to help you. Can you tell me what you remember, where you have been…anything?"

I wasn't sure I wanted to relive anything but Carlisle seemed nice and very fatherly. I was comfortable with him, and maybe he could explain to me what was going on, so I began. I started telling them about my mother, if anything I wanted the story and memories of her to repeat itself in my mind. I didn't want to ever forget her. After explaining my years taking care of my mother I started on that dreadful night. I told them about Kevin and our walk, I told them about the women and then the man. I cringed as I recalled the night.

"I ran from him and for a moment I didn't think he was following me. It was so dark I didn't know where I was going. I hit something or someone rather and it knocked the wind out of me as I fell to the ground." My face fell in my hands and my shoulders shook, I was crying but no tears came, it was odd but I tried not to dwell on it. The electricity was back as I felt a warm presence besides me. I knew it was Edward as I felt his arm wrap around me. He pulled me into his chest and gently caressed me. Without looking up I continued, "He was strong." I choked out. "It all happened so fast, my clothes were practically ripped from me. He was so rough and strong." I repeated. "He took everything I had kept sacred, my youth, my innocence." I felt Edward tense beside me and I had no idea why I couldn't look at him, I felt ashamed for him to know this about me. Without getting into too much detail, I explained to them that I thought he wanted to leave me for dead, that I was broken, my jaw, my pelvis but that the women had come and interrupted him. "She seemed jealous and angry with him and fortunately it was over just as fast as he began but not before he bit me and the pain was excruciating. As I listened to them argue it was hard to focus because of the burn." Finally I looked up at Edward, the pain in his eyes made me feel guilty. I couldn't explain it, I felt bad about it even and I didn't want to ever see that pain in him again.

His head tilted and his hand met me cheek. "I am so sorry Bella…" his voice caught and he didn't continue.

"Do you know the women or man's name?" Carlisle said, his expression looked pained as well. Not as much as Edward's but still painful and angry? I shook my head in response.

I finished my story and told them about the police officers and running away, I even told them about wanting to kill them. The look they gave me then was something totally different.

"You just…ran away?" Edward said looking in my eyes intently.

"Yes…the burn in my throat was unbearable, I caught a family of coyotes and it seemed to quench it a little. And then I ran…and here I am."

Edward and Carlisle stared at each other again. I was getting really sick of it, "Why do you do that with everyone?" I directed my question at Edward, "It's like you are having a moment with them, you are having a silent conversation with them…its rude." my tone was probably a bit bitchy but it really was becoming my biggest pet peeve.

He chuckled and it made me more angry, "You're frustrating." I murmured and this time both Edward and Carlisle laughed. I had just poured my soul to them and now they were laughing at me. I huffed and stood up and started for the door.

In a flash Edward was in front of me. "Bella." he breathed resting both hands on my arms. "Please forgive me…you were honest with us, let me explain."

I took a deep breath and found myself crossing my arms as I pouted. I didn't say anything to him as I moved back to the chair and stared at him.

He smiled, "I can read minds Bella. I hear people's thoughts."

My eyes widened, "Oh." I whispered, Oh fuck he could read my thoughts? Oh fuck fuck fuck, he was hearing them now?

Edward must have saw the look in my eyes because he chuckled, "I can't read yours…it's very frustrating, its never happened to me before and I'll be honest with you, it's driving me crazy."

"So you are having private discussions about me…with Carlisle…with Alice?" I didn't like that.

"No Bella dear, its totally one sided. I just didn't want to upset you…that's all." Carlisle seemed sincere.

My eyes danced between both of them, "So…? Tell me, what happened to me?"

"Bella…that disgusting parasite…turned you into a vampire….an immortal."

My eyes widened, I was speechless. A vampire? Impossible…vampires don't exist. Do they?

_**Let me know how you are liking it.**_


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